What I Noticed When Stillness Finally Hit.
- Kelly Price
- 16 hours ago
- 3 min read
In the days before I officially started the water fast, I began to notice things that had been nagging at me for years, but certainly the last several months when I started my "six months of stillness." (See my blog about this six-month journey: https://www.up2him.com/post/be-still-even-when-it-is-hard)
It wasn't really a dramatic or life-changing BAM! moment, more like quiet pokes at my soul that wouldn't go away.
It began with my habits. The habit of filling every space. The habit of reacting instead of resting (or trusting). The habit of managing feelings instead of actually feeling/processing them.
When I slowed down - even before the fast - these patterns started to arise:
The loneliness I had normalized.
The emotions I had learned to manage (suppress) instead of letting them surface.
The internal questions that I had repeatedly postponed because I was "too busy" to sit with them.
Those weren't revelations, exactly. It was more of an acknowledgement. The kind that your body has known for a long time, but your schedule never lets you feel.
And then relationships in my life started showing up differently too - not in a story way, but in a "body" way.
What I started noticing first was how my body felt after specific conversations:
Some left me calm, peaceful, and even energized.
Others left me unsettled, tense, drained, or just on edge...leaving my nervous system very rattled.
I had always thought of relationship evaluation as something done with your "mind"...loyalty, history, shared time, obligations, love. But - this was different. My body was giving me data my mind had learned to ignore.
I noticed:
How quickly I braced for a phone call
How I softened myself to avoid conflict
How I replayed words afterward to figure out what I "should" have said
How certain people seemed to take energy rather than give it
That wasn't maturity. That was contraction. For so long, I had thought that taking the "high road," letting things go, showing grace, and smoothing interactions was spiritual strength.
But in my stillness, in the quietest moments before the fast, it began to look like self-abandonment.
I wasn't shrinking to preserve peace. I was shrinking to survive the emotional cost.
And, my nervous system was tired.
Not broken. Not tragic. Just plain worn out.
That's when boundaries slowly began to make sense to me, not as walls, but as self-preservation tools.
Not because others were/are bad, but because:
Connection shouldn't cost someone their nervous system.
Love shouldn't require self-erasure.
Peace shouldn't be painful.
Presence shouldn't feel heavy.
I started to ask myself different questions:
Do I feel safe being authentically me?
Do I leave this interaction lighter or tighter?
Am I choosing this connection, or enduring it?
Is my body saying something I have been ignoring?
In the quiet of those days, I began to hear answers...not in words, but in feeling.
This understanding was already part of the fast - even BEFORE Day One began! What revelations I was already having!
For me, this fast wasn't just about food. It was about authenticity, truth, faith, and about learning not just to live with myself, but to be present with myself.
More to come...
For those who are walking a similar season, I've included links below to a few earlier reflections that helped shape this journey:
